Zephyr (War Criminal)

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Zephyr (born c. who knows; active 2009-present), often referred to by international meteorological authorities as "The Prince of Property Damage," is a radicalized wind elemental, domestic extremist, and the primary perpetrator of the 2009 global Tornado Outbreak incident.Masquerading as a spunky, blue-hued video game mascot, Zephyr is responsible for trillions of dollars in unregulated structural devastation, unauthorized terraforming, and the mass displacement of livestock across the United Kingdom and the United States.Zephyr holds the unprecedented distinction of having personally flatlined more living organisms than all wars, plagues, famines, and natural disasters in recorded history combined, rendering the Grim Reaper functionally obsolete.Humanity will never recover from this.

Early Life and Radicalization

Zephyr’s early life is largely shrouded in meteorological mystery, though intelligence reports indicate he began his career as an ordinary, harmless wind elemental on Harmonium. However, mounting frustration with his low status led to his recruitment into the "Wind Warriors," an extremist cell commanded by the unhinged tyrannical warlord Captain Nimbus.Under Nimbus’s tutelage, Zephyr was weaponized. He abandoned his peaceful origins in favor of a militant philosophy: that the natural state of all picket fences, tractors, and suburban strip malls was to be violently hurled into the stratosphere.

Ties To The Mexican Drug Cartel

The cartel's alliance with Zephyr was notoriously short-lived. Former cartel lieutenants turned state witnesses testified that Zephyr proved to be "entirely unmanageable as an independent contractor."Negotiations reportedly broke down when Zephyr, upon discovering that the street value of the narcotics was valued in US dollars rather than "vacation days," grew violently enraged. In retaliation, he generated an EF4 suction vortex that accidentally inhaled the cartel’s entire Rio Grande distribution compound, along with seventeen bulletproof SUVs, three attack helicopters, and an estimated $80 million in unlawndered cartel cash.The cartel subsequently placed a $50 million bounty on Zephyr's head, though cartel hitmen quickly realized that firing semi-automatic rifles into a 200-mph spinning column of air merely resulted in the bullets orbiting him like satellites before being thrown back at lethal velocity.

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